Heine Goes Light in the Loafers

Posts by Anthony

To start, I’m down with the gays.  They have rights.  Otherwise, I’d be alienating potential readers – not good for business.  As a younger boy, I was a bit ‘gay'; I played with dolls (‘G.I. Joe’ men), watched teen soaps (90210 like a mofo), and, as a hetero male, treated girls in platonic fashion rather than walking vaginas.

Drink Up!

Drink Up!

A NY Times article claims Heineken Light seeks to get out of the basement (sales declined 36% from ’07-’12) and in and out of the closet, using openly gay actor, Neil Patrick Harris, as face man person to lead the 2014 Light parade toward higher sales.

In reading a failing brand was uniting with an openly gay actor, I couldn’t help but take pride in Heineken’s decision.  I love (in the platonic sense) the vindication provided by a company rep:

“Heineken supports equality and always acting in a nondiscriminatory way….

I'd tip that bottle

I’d tip that bottle

…By far, what is driving our choice [Mr. Harris] is hugely talented, creative and witty {and gay}, and will tell our story in a unique and amusing way {as only a gay could provide}.” {excuse my edits}

What does t n a have to do with alcohol? Everything!

What does t n a have to do with alcohol? Everything!

I think it’s great big business sees all as equal monetary opportunity.  I was equally happy reading how cinema houses and the entire industry are targeting Latinos, once second-to-third-rate consumers.



America is the land of opportunity, so it pleases me to see gays and Latinos chased with the same fervor and consumer cadence as traditional white, heterosexual dudes like me.  I’m tired of ‘old boys’ grubbing for my white bread alone; throw the gays and minorities a bone too.

Actually, I’ve had my time in the sun of consumption; I shopped at Abercrombie&Fitch with the other white dudes.  I bought gold chains and Fila sneakers, being Italian-American and living in the Tri-state area.  I surf, have long hair and tattoos, so I buy things that are suitable to dudes like that. (Which is?)  I’m not sure, but I know business will let me know!

I'd have way more girls around me!

I’d have way more girls around me!

I suspect gays will quickly make the A – B – C connection:

- Heineken is down with Harris

- Harris is down with the gays

- Soon, Harris will usher the parade toward that beer that’s strong enough for a straight but subtly marketed toward gays, Heineken Light!

It’s marketing genius, and I’m glad to live in a world where all are duped equally!  MLK had a dream we’d be equal.  Equality is here, just commercialized.

'Merican Dream

‘Merican Dream

2 thoughts on “Heine Goes Light in the Loafers

  1. Hooray for the Hispanics! Thank you for this enlightening post Anthony. My parents are immigrants from Colombia and Puerto Rico, and they raised us to be very Americanized; plenty of times we were told, “We busted our [butts] to get to this country to give you a better life, so appreciate what you have!” So we grew up embracing our American roots, only speaking English at home, and eating mostly ‘American food’. It wasn’t until I was older that my parents started to open up about our heritage, and we started embracing our Hispanic culture. In my opinion, the old ideals of ‘conforming so they don’t think you’re different’ have dissolved and we are entering a new era where diversity is something to celebrate, and not hide.

    I can honestly say that I see more Hispanic people in the media today, than I have seen in the 80’s (unless you were watching Univision with your Abuela, or see a Chiquita banana commercial). Look at Sophia Vergara, Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, and Zoe Saldana to name a few leading Hispanic ladies that have truly made their mark in American culture. Not to be overly sentimental, but it does give you the warm and fuzzies knowing how far the Hispanics have come in America in just the past 20 years, as well as many more Hispanics embracing their culture and supporting Hispanics represented in the media.

    1. Thanks for reading, Candice, you old faithful reader you. I too celebrate things being more multicultural and people/heritages being more accepted in the mainstream. All people can inspire beauty and good. Diversity is a gift.

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